


Swerving to Keep Straight

by sbinx



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-02 13:23:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8669311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sbinx/pseuds/sbinx
Summary: As Rory prepares to move forward in her life as an author and single mom, one night changes everything. Every plan Rory had brewing is thrown out the window as she tries to figure out how to move forward. No mother should have to outlive her child, much less one she never got to meet.





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set immediately after the end of Fall from A Year in the Life. This is my first fic on here so please be gentle.

**Prologue**

When it came down to telling her mom, it was honestly an accident. She hadn’t intended on sharing it with her at least until the next week when the wedding vibes had died down. Occasionally there were pivotal moments in Rory’s life where her well-thought-out plans went out the window.

“I’m pregnant.”

Her mom looked at her shocked. Lorelai struggled for words, a rare occurrence between the two of them. Rory let her process and come up with a response. The rapid-fire wit was long since drowned in champagne so it was going to take a minute.

“Logan’s?” Lorelai asked. Rory nodded without speaking. A million thoughts were spinning in both of their heads and none of them made it out into the cool morning air. Several of the angry and Emily Gilmore variety made an appearance but were quickly squashed. After several heavy moments Lorelai looked at her daughter. “OK.”

“Just ok?” Rory asked, still braced to receive an Emily-like response.

“Just…ok,” her mother assured her. “I have questions, but you’re not a kid anymore. I know you can handle this. We’ll talk it all over tomorrow? After my wedding night?”

Warmth bloomed in Rory’s chest as relief soaked into her bones. The uneasiness scurried away for another day and she assured her mother that they would indeed talk it all out.

* * *

 

As it turned out, there was very little talking it out that was necessary. Rory had already developed a plan and had a firm grasp of what she wanted.

First, Logan was going to be told immediately. She was not about to put Logan through the same thing that Luke had gone through – she doubted neither she nor Luke would ever forgive her for that.

Next, Logan was not going to break off his engagement because of this. Rory was going to raise their child on her own. Logan would always be welcome in their life, just as Christopher had been welcome in hers, but she was doing this herself.

Rory knew that Logan would insist on paying for every whim their child had. She also knew that there was no way that she was going to let him pay for anything other than schooling, at any grade level, and any medical expenses. Anything else needed to be cleared with her, no exceptions.

A few days after Lorelai and Rory had hashed everything out, Rory sat in her room holding her phone in her hand. Logan’s number was ready and waiting, she just had to dial. Steeling herself, she pressed the button and held the phone up.

_Ring_

_Ring_

_“Hey, Ace.”_

She sucked in a quick breath. Rory hated, especially now, how much that nickname affected her. “Hey, Logan.”

“ _Uh oh. I know that voice. What’s going on?”_

She hesitated. “Are you alone right now?”

He laughed, “ _I’m just about to leave the office. If this is a dirty phone call, you might wait until later toni –“_

Rory cut him off, “No. Logan, you may want to sit down…”

_“…Ace? Is everything ok?”_

”Um…” her lower lip started quivering. Rory forced a deep breath and blurted, “I’m pregnant.”

Were it not for the sounds of the office in the background, she would’ve thought he had hung up on her. The dead air continued for several beats before Rory tentatively called his name, “Logan?”

 _“I’m here,”_ he said almost immediately. “Just…processing. I’m assuming you have a plan? You wouldn’t have called me if you didn’t already have one.”

Rory smirked a little at how well he knew her.

They discussed the details of the plan. Logan was adamant for entirely too long that the best course was for him to marry her, regardless of his current fiancé. After negotiating, consoling, and several near breakdowns on both ends they hung up each feeling drained, halfway across the world from the other.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins. Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving this past week btw.

Rory sat in her favorite Hartford coffee shop in Queens. She had her feet propped carefully on the nearest coffee table with a book balanced on her slightly swollen belly. A cup of steaming coffee sat next to her half drunk and a warm sweater tucked around herself. The snow fell carefully just out the window to her left as the world passed her by.

She was so absorbed in her book, _A Short History of Nearly Everything_ ¸ that she didn’t see the messy and familiar dark hair duck into the café. After ordering his drink he wandered over to Rory’s corner.

“ _A Short History of Nearly Everything_? And here I thought you already knew everything.”

Rory glanced up in surprise at the friendly voice. Standing in front of her with a large coffee in his hand and a messenger bag pulled over one shoulder has none other than Jess Mariano. With an exclamation, Rory jumped up to hug around his broad shoulders. He hugged her back tightly enjoying feeling her in his arms, despite her pregnant belly being ever present.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, excitedly. Her excitement was buzzing just under the surface and was barely contained.

He laughed and reached into his bag. “I was on my way to visit Luke and my mom and thought I might drop these off for you. I called your apartment but there was no answer, so chances were I’d find you here.” He pulled a packet of paper from his bag. He had been editing her chapters for her book the last few months. Rory was always excited to receive a new packet from him, with familiar handwriting littering the margins of the page.

With a squeal, she grabbed the pages and hugged him again. “Come, sit. Tell me how things are.”

They spent the next hour casually exchanging their banter. Things had been tense between the pair shortly after Rory announced her pregnancy. She had made a point to tell Jess privately, knowing how he felt about Logan to begin with. They hadn’t been super chatty in the years prior but a week after her announcement to him he had emailed her, telling her that he expected to see her chapters as they happened.

Currently she was about 2 thirds of the way through _Gilmore Girls._ She kept jumping around in her writing, knowing that it would lengthen her overall editing process towards the end. She also couldn’t bring herself to care. It felt so organic and real. Rory was beyond excited and had even gotten a couple publishers eyeing the progress.

“I mean, if I had a grandmother like yours, it might me a little crazy,” Jess told her laughing.

“Hey!” she smacked his arm, laughing in turn. “She’s mellowed out a lot in the last few months. Honestly! Don’t laugh! It’s Nantucket, something in the water.”

“We should have warned her not to drink the Kool-aid,” he responded. His eyebrows wrinkled as Rory’s phone started buzzing on the table in between them. Lane’s smiling face spread across the screen. Quickly, Rory picked it up and answered the call.

“Hey, Lane…No I don’t have any plans this weekend…Is it really next week?...No, I don’t have someone to spend Valentine’s Day with…” Rory rolled her eyes making Jess chuckle.

“Hang on one second,” she pulled the phone away from her head and looked at Jess. “You’re heading to Stars Hollow, right?” Jess nodded. “Think I can snag a ride with you?”

“Sure,” he told her easily. “What’s the occasion?”

She held up her finger and turned her attention to Lane quickly. “Yeah I can be there…not a problem…I’ll see you tomorrow...Bye, Lane.”

Hanging up, she turned back to Jess. “Lane needs a babysitter, last minute. She wants to go out with Zach as an early Valentine’s Day celebration this weekend. Mrs. Kim doesn’t trust anyone else who isn’t as lame and single as I am.”

Laughing, he looked outside. The snow was coming down thicker and the sky had started to darken, despite it being only 4:30 pm.

“If we’re gonna make it to Stars Hollow with all this snow we should get on the road. We can grab a bite on our way out of town?” He asked her.

“As long as that bite includes, French fries I’m happy,” she told him firmly.

He gave her a pointed look, “Don’t tell Luke how much I spoil you, please. I need to have the illusion of a backbone.”

* * *

 

Two hours and two quick stops at Rory’s apartment and a place with the greasiest French fries that Jess had ever seen found them on their way out of the city and pleasantly enjoying each other’s company. The conversation had been easy and their rapport had aged as effortlessly as they had. They talked books, movies, pop culture and anything else they could think of. Rory gave Jess a quick recap of the goings on in Stars Hollow – including the musical which had recently debuted.

“You’re kidding. You’ve got to be kidding. She has sex 20 times in the span of the musical,” he laughed.

She joined his laughter easily. Everything was easy with them these days, “Not kidding. It used to be 26 but Mom actually talked them down.”

He glanced at her skeptically, “This is the same town that put you as their figurehead for censorship, right?”

She nodded and giggled. Glancing out the window, the snow was falling heavily in big puffy flakes. The roads were bad but Jess was taking care not to drive too fast. Rory sighed and looked at Jess, really looked at him. His hair was longer, but not so long that it looked unkempt. His scruffy face was a good look for him. On his wrist, he wore a real watch, something she wasn’t sure she would ever see. From her position across the car in the dim light she couldn’t see the new lines that surrounded his eyes and mouth but she knew they were there, just like on her own aging face.

He had a small smile on his face, one that replaced the consistent glower he carried as a teenager. _He must finally be in a place in his life where he can be happy._ Her heart gave a small lurch at the thought. She liked the idea of Jess happy.

With another sigh, she looked forward at the taillights ahead of them. On their left, a semi swished passed them going too fast. Rory sucked in a breath as everything around them crawled to slow motion.

The semi started swerving. Jess gently tapped the brakes as the back end of the semi started to drift aside ahead of them. His speed was slow enough that he was able to slow to a crawl as the truck lost control. Rory grabbed her door handle and Jess gripped the wheel so tightly his knuckles were as white as the snow. Jess managed to maintain control of the car into the right lane. The car was nearly stopped when a thick and heavy thud rammed into his rear end.

Suddenly much faster and more than a little jarred, this back end spun to the side, just as the semi’s had.

Jess just barely caught a glimpse of headlights, heard his name in a shout before things went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise to update soon! Give me all the feedback! :)


	3. Chapter 3

The blackness faded away from Jess’ vision only moments later, not even long enough for him to have really passed out. He felt like a bowling ball had taken residence between his temples. His left wrist throbbed with each heartbeat. Blinking away the haze, he assessed the damage.

The car he had seen, the headlights was connected to his front left panel. His window was cracked and stray snowflakes were drifting onto his lap. He could hear shouting voices and car horns outside. The right side of his car had collided solidly with the side of the speeding semi-truck that hard started this whole mess. A small groan drew his attention to his passenger.

 _Rory_.

Jess immediately was more alert and focused that before. He reached across the center console to move Rory’s hair from her face. Blood trickled her forehead from a small cut covering half of her face. Her eyelashes fluttered as she struggled to pull herself out of unconsciousness.

“Rory?” he cupped her clean cheek, “Hun, can you hear me?”

She mumbled his name but didn’t wake up. Quickly he reached into his pocket and dialed 911.

After that things passed in a blur while the emergency personnel worked to disentangle the pile-up. There were half a dozen other cars behind them needing help. Jess could only hold Rory’s hand and whisper weakly that everything was going to be alright, that help was on the way, that he was right there.

Rory faded in an out of consciousness, between nearly lucid and dead weight in her seat. The responders were able to get to Jess first, his door wasn’t smashed shut. Rory they had more trouble getting to. Jess stood by as they hovered around her door, fighting the clock to get her to safety. When they started maneuvering her out of her seat she gave a sharp cry, “Jess!”

He shouted back to her, assuring her to stay calm – he wasn’t going anywhere.

As soon as she was situated in a stretcher, she was conscious and she reached for his hand. Sweat beaded her forehead and she looked pale. Her grip however was strong and he gripped her back just as hard. They loaded her into the ambulance and allowed Jess to climb beside her.

“Are you ok?” she asked him weakly. He gave her an equally weak smile and nodded. “Good,” she sighed.

They rode in moderate silence as monitor after monitor was hooked up to Rory. The first responder, Angela, kept asking Rory questions in a level voice, seemingly routine. How far along was she? Was Jess the father – that one she chuckled at. Where was she from? How old was she? Jess watched her face the entire time, his heart in his throat.

It stayed in his throat until she let out a small gasp, seemingly unable to find enough air. “Something’s wrong,” she huffed out. The first responder started talking much quicker then. Angela encouraged her to stay awake but Rory’s eyelids slid shut moments before alarms started on the equipment.

Angela worked, gently but firmly shoving Jess aside so she could assess the situation. Jess out of the corner of his eye saw blood pooling on the stretcher underneath Rory’s thigh. “She’s bleeding.” He muttered, seemingly detached.  Angela glanced at him sharply before following his gaze not to her forehead but to her lap.

“Pete, she’s hemorrhaging. Call ahead to the hospital, they need to get her into surgery. ETA?” Angela spoke with such authority that there was no room for argument. They were 4 minutes to the hospital.

* * *

 

Those four minutes were the longest of Jess’ life. In that time frame, Rory’s heart stopped for an impossible moment. When the responders were able to restart it in seemingly no time at all, but Jess finally let out the breath that had shriveled in his chest.

He stayed with Rory until the last possible second, and only then because a nurse stood in front of him and forcibly held him behind the doors that she disappeared behind. It was only once Rory was out of sight that he could even mildly pay attention to what she was saying.

“…they will do everything they can for your girl. But you have to let me take care a look at you,” she spoke as firmly as the hand on his shoulder felt. Looking down he saw a doctors coat – not a nurse then.

“What?” he asked her still looking around to try to get one final glimpse of Rory.

“You need to come with me, let me check you out. You were in the same car that she was in. They will do everything they can but it’s going to be awhile.” He finally looked at her eyes. They were brown, but not as dark as her skin. They held his evenly until he nodded weakly.

Turns out, that throbbing in his wrist was a hairline fracture – nearly identical to the one that Jess had caused over a decade before. Strange – he hadn’t felt it almost at all until the doctor had started probing his flesh. He also had a few cuts and more than a few bruises but overall he was in significantly better condition that Rory.

Every time he thought her name his eyes started to water. So many emotions dating back to the accident surfaced and he kept having to squash them down. There would be time to break down when Rory was safe. He needed to know she was safe.

Jess had called Luke, unable to reach Lorelai. For that he was mildly grateful, he doubted he would be able to keep it together long enough to keep her calm. Unfortunately, Luke and Lorelai had made their way out to Nantucket to visit Emily – they hadn’t been able to for Christmas with the Dragonfly Annex getting underway. This was the first time that Lorelai had made it out there but with the storm, the ferry wasn’t running until at least tomorrow. Jess promised to call with any updates as he got them.

When the doctor came out to the waiting room several hours later, Jess had never been more grateful for the awkward family relation to Rory then. Jess could barely focus on what he was being told but he clearly caught the words _lost a lot of blood_ , _there’s nothing anyone else could’ve done,_ and _miscarriage._

Heaving a deep breath the doctor led the way to Rory’s room.  She would be asleep for another couple hours while her body burned off the sedative. Numbly he pulled up a chair beside her bed and grabbed her hand. Jess carefully raised her hand, clutched between his, and kissed it. Tears slid down his cheeks as he silently shook beside her prone form.

_I’m not going anywhere Rory. I promise you, I’m done running. I will be here until you send me away._

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not posting this sooner. I graduated, I moved, and I started a new job. I hope that from here on out I'll have better luck posting chapters regularly. Enjoy!

Rory felt the edges of the darkness receding in her mind. Blearily, she reached for them, not being ready to be pulled out of her safe black. Even after her eyes fluttered open, the shadows kept close by. The edges of her vision keeping her half asleep. Everything felt fuzzy and warm around her.

In a detached way, she acknowledged she wasn’t in her own bed but she couldn’t really be bothered by it too much, though the sheets were scratchy against her bare legs. She could see clean walls and a huddled shape leaning on the bed beside her.

Jess leaned his head on the bed next to her right hand with his own hand grasping hers even in his sleep. She smiled a soft smile at him. She took a few moments to look at him calmly.

His face wasn’t relaxed and he seemed incredibly uncomfortable. His right arm was tucked under his head and jacket which he had balled into a pillow. Jess’ hair looked soft though it looked a little disheveled.

Rory felt warmth pooling in her chest at seeing him at her bedside. They had spent years running away from each other but to find him here, watching over her, gave her an unbelievable sense of peace. Rory, ignoring the pull in her abdomen, turned on her side and curled towards Jess’ head, careful not to jostle him. Rory’s internal narrative was silent as she looked over his face. She felt her eyes start to drift close to join him in sleep.

* * *

 

Jess came around to feel a weight behind his head that wasn’t there before. He gingerly lifted his head and winced at the knot that had formed during his nap. He looked over his injured friend and saw that in her sleep she had curled as close to his position on the bed without actually touching more than the hand he had in his.

Rory appeared to be dragging herself out of sleep. Her eyelids fluttered and she uttered a small mumbled groan. Jess felt his eyes water, knowing what was coming but took a deep breath. He raised his hand to her cheek and lightly ran his fingers across her smooth skin. Even with bruise-like circles under her eyes and the sickly pallor of her skin she still was breathtaking.

Slowly, carefully, she opened her eyes. She blinked away the blurriness and looked at her companion. He didn’t say anything, just stayed stroking her cheek and looking at her. He saw her eyes dance around the room.

They landed on the bed she was in and the monitors next to her pillow.

They landed on Jess, his cast arm that was holding her hand, and his concerned brow.

Then they stared blankly ahead as her free hand shifted along the blankets to press into her stomach.

Then, panicked, they looked at Jess’ face. Wordlessly, she was begging him to tell her that what she already knew was a lie.

“She’s gone…?” she whispered to him, her eyes overflowing. Her voice was cracked and strangled in her throat.

Jess mutely nodded, though his own eyes overflowed.

A terrible sob ripped through Rory’s chest. Jess reacted on instinct and quickly fisted Rory’s hair to bring their foreheads together. Unsure how, Jess ended up sitting on the bed with Rory leaning into his shoulder as he held her as tightly as he dared. Her tears sank into his shirt but he couldn’t be bothered to care. He continuously brushed her hair away from her face and pressed his lips to the crown of her head and tried to sooth her aching heart.

When the tears had stopped though her small frame kept shaking in his arms, she pulled back to look at him. His dark hair and eyes were the same as they had always been but she was distracted by the tear tracks that were rolling down his face. She reached up and brushed a stray tear away. In return, Jess gave her a small watery smile, which echoed on her own face.

A dark thought occurred to her. _Logan._

Jess saw the switch in her immediately. Her shoulders slumped and her brow furrowed to a deep V. He touched her cheek, “Hey,” he whispered.

She looked at him panicked again and God, did he hate that look. “I have to tell Logan,” she whispered. “B-but h-how can I t-tell him that our d-daughter is g-g-g-.” She couldn’t get out _gone._

“I’ll call him,” Jess softly told her. “If you want me to I’ll call him.”

She barely heard him, wildly looking at anywhere but at his face. “He’ll want to come here, and I can’t face him and tell him…”

“Rory,” Jess said, softly but firmly. “If you want, I will call him.”

Rory looked at him again and saw the strength that he used to keep so deeply hidden behind masks and sarcasm. She nodded, her bottom lip quivering.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are my life!

**Author's Note:**

> Please give me all the feedback lovelies!


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